How to Handle Uncomfortable Food and Body Conversations
As I write this, we are in the midst of the holiday season. Many of you may be attending holiday parties, get togethers, or cookie exchanges. You may be traveling and seeing friends or relatives that you haven’t seen for some time. If food-based social gatherings, travel, or just the holidays in general raise your anxiety levels, you are not alone. Many conversations I have with clients around this time of year center around what to do or say when a relative or friend makes negative food remarks or when people comment on your body. Here are some ideas below; adjust to what feels authentic to you and then have your response or reaction in your back pocket should you need it. Being prepared with your response can allow you to be more present rather than worrying what someone will say or do.
Scenario #1: You’re at a holiday gathering dishing your food at the buffet line when a family member next to you says: “Look at all of this food! I really should cut back, but how can I resist all of this delicious stuff! It’s okay, I’ll cut back in the new year. For now, I’m loading up!”
The Gentle Response
“There’s no need to load up now or cut back later. Eat what satisfies you.”
The Change-the-Subject Response
“It all looks delicious. Hey, do you want to watch a holiday movie tonight?”
The Snarky Response
“Load up and cut back?! Sounds like you’re stuck in a vicious dieting cycle! Let me know if you want some resources that can help you.”
The Honoring Boundaries Response
Simply say, “the food looks great” and then finish filling your plate as you wish and walk away, being sure to sit next to someone else.
The Honest Response
“I’ve been working hard to make peace with food, so comments like those aren’t helpful to me. Le't’s talk about something else.”
Scenario #2: You walk into Aunt Cindy’s holiday party and she immediately comments on your appearance with a size-based comment and launches into a story about her latest diet.
The Gentle Response
“It’s nice to see you, Aunty Cindy. Do you think we could talk about something else?”
The Change-the-Subject Response
“Hey Aunt Cindy, thanks for having me over. Your decorations look great!”
The Snarky Response
Interrupting Aunt Cindy’s story — “Oh, let me stop you there. Diet and body convos make me super uncomfortable. Let’s talk about something more interesting.”
The Honoring Boundaries Response
Simply say, “it’s so nice to see you” and move on to say hello to someone else.
The Honest Response
“I guess it’s been a while since we’ve caught up, but I’ve actually worked hard on making peace with food and my body this year so I’d appreciate if you’d refrain from body-based comments and diet talk. Thanks so much for understanding.”
